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Police: Where the hell are you going at midnight?
Drunkard: I'm going to listen to a lecture on ill effects of drinking.
Police: Who will give such a lecture at midnight, and where?
Drunkard: My wife... At my house....

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One: Have u heard about the man who threw his wife into a pond of crocodiles?
Another: No! What happened?
One: He's now being harassed by the animal rights organization for being cruel to the crocodiles.

 »» Latest Research from Dr. Quacko::
Alcohol contains female hormones!
Abstract Proof: Men gain weight, talk unnecessarily, become extra emotional & stupid, start fighting without any reason...

•»»  A Girl telling about her engagement to her father, over the phone..(It's common nowadays, Isn't it?!)
Father: Does this fellow has any money?
Girl: Oh God! Dad, You men are all alike! That's exactly what he asked me about you!

•»»If time doesn't wait for you, don't worry! Just remove the battery from the clock and Enjoy life!

•»»
Husband: I have profited very much by marrying you!
Wife: Oh! How is that?
Husband: I have already paid for all my sins...

•»» True friends always stand behind you during your bad times. Don't believe it? Want a proof? Just check out your marriage album.. You will find that all your friends are standing behind you..

•»» Two friends met after a long time::
1st: I got married, because I was tired of eating out, cleaning the house, doing the laundry & wearing shabby clothes.
2nd: Amazing!! I just got divorced for the very same reasons..

• "Take a pencil and paper", said the teacher, "and write an essay with the title 'If I Were a Millionaire'"
Everyone but Bhopu, who leaned back with arms folded, began to write furiously.
"What's the matter," the teacher asked. "Why don't you begin?"
"I'm waiting for my secretary," he replied.

• Several women appeared in court, each accusing the other of the trouble in the flat where they lived. The judge called for orderly testimony. "I'll hear the oldest first," he decreed. The case was closed for lack of evidence.

• A husband, the owner of a new car, was somewhat reluctant to allow his wife to drove his prize possession...even to the grocery store which was a few blocks from the house.
After she insisted, he finally relented, cautioning her as she departed, "Remember, if you have an accident, the newspaper will print your age!"

• Boss: We are very keen on cleanliness. Did you wipe your feet on the mat as you came in?
New employee: Yes, sir.
Boss: We are also keen on truthfulness. There is no mat.

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A man who surrenders when he's WRONG, is HONEST.
A man who surrenders when he's NOT SURE, is WISE.
A man who surrenders when he's RIGHT, is a HUSBAND

• "Take a pencil and paper", said the teacher, "and write an essay with the title 'If I Were a Millionaire'"
Everyone but Bhopu, who leaned back with arms folded, began to write furiously.
"What's the matter," the teacher asked. "Why don't you begin?"
"I'm waiting for my secretary," he replied.

• Guide: I welcome u all to the Jog falls. The sound intensity of the waterfall is so high that the sound of supersonic planes passing can't b heard! Now may I request the ladies to keep quiet so that we can hear the Jog Falls??

• If you are married, please ignore this message..
For everyone else: Happy Independence Day!!

Man: I want a divorce. My wife hasn’t spoken to me in six months.
Lawyer: Better think it over. Wives like that are hard to get!

Prospective husband: Do you have a book called 'Man, The Master of Women'?
Salesgirl: The fiction department is on the other side, sir.

• The secret of success:
People who do lots of work...make lots of mistakes,
People who do less work...make less mistakes,
People who do no work...make no mistakes,
People who make no mistakes...get promoted!